Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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