I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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