This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
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