I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
