You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
