I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
it glows. i had to have it.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
