If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
