I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize