My hand turned me down
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
