im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
