Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
