Pants 0. Shit 1.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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