We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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