considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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