Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
