i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
