I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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