a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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