The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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