Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
