is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
