Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
