I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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