I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
