Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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