Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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