I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
