That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
