Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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