I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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