They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
