i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
