i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
