saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
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