You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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