Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
