A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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