Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
