I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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