3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
