Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you didnt know i had herpes?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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