mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
