he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
