i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
