I am in a vortex of obligation.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
