who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
