Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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