hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
