I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
