how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
