did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you win again, gameday.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
