Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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