This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize