Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just want to make out with him forever
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
