apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
