You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
