I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
