I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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