It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize