and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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