did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
