Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
