just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
