Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
