It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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