I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
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