I need help removing her.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
