wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
