capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
