I accidentally had phone sex last night
We need to rekindle our bromance
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
