just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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