dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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